THE SECOND TYPE OF SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BELIEFS IN MENTAL HEALTH
These types of beliefs have often originated from childhood too, and also often contain the words ‘should/must/ought/ have to’.
In addition, they have an intrinsically irrational component.
Another version of this is to have unrealistic expectations of others.
E.g. ‘She should’ or ‘She ought to’. The client who does this is projecting their own values and expectations onto others. This is both unrealistic and irrational.
Counsellors often have to deal with clients whose expectations of others are unrealistic. Once the client has recognised that their expectations are unrealistic, i.e. that the other person or persons cannot live up to their expectations, then they will often feel a sense of loss, and will need to grieve.
Where clients present with an irrational belief, the counsellor needs to offer a rational alternative.
For example, “My happiness depends on others around me”… irrational’’
“My happiness comes from within me”… rational’’
Changing Irrational Beliefs
When confronted with an irrational belief the counsellor may choose to ask ‘do you think that is a realistic belief?’
By doing this the client then questions themselves, and you may invite them to suggest a rational alternative.
The client may choose to withhold their irrational beliefs if they so choose. Rational beliefs must never be imposed on a client, but only offered as an alternative.
As with confrontation, much care is needed in challenging self-destructive beliefs. It may be of benefit to the client if the counsellor explains their nature, origin and effects so that the client is able to recognize them and challenge them.
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