You tell yourself that things ”should be” the way you hoped or expected them to be. After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told herself,” I should’t have made so many mistakes.”This made her feel so disgusted that she quit practicing for several days . ” Musts” ” oughts” and ” have tos” are similar offender .

” Should statement ” that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world in general lead to anger and frustration. ” He shouldn’t be so stubborn and argumentative.”

Many people try to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ if they were delinquents who had to be punished before they could be expexted to do anything.” I shouldn’t eat that doughnut.”

This useually doesn’t work because all these shoulds and musts make you feel rebellious and you get the urge to do just the opposite.


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