1- Truth: You insist that you are ”right” and the other person is ”wrong.”
2- Blame- You say that the problem is the other person’s fault.
3-Martyrdom: You claim that you are an innocent victim.
4-Put-down: You imply that the other person is a loser because he or she ” always” or ” never” does certain things.
5- Hopelessness- You give up and insist there is no point in trying.
6- Demandingness: You say you are entitleds to better treatment but you refuse to ask for what you want in a direct straightforward way.
7- Denial- You insist that you don’t feel angry, hurt, or sad when you really do.
8- Passive aggression – You pout or withdraw or say nothing you may storm out of the room or slam doors.
9- Self-blame – Instead of dealing with the problem you act as if you are an awful terrible person.
10- Helping: Instead of hearing how depressed , hurt, or angry the other person feels , you try to ”solve the problem” or ”help” him or her.
11- Sarcasm- Your words or tone of voice convey tension or hostility which you aren’t openly acknowledging .
12- Scapegoating- You suggest that the other person has a problem and that you are sane , happy and uninvolved in the conflict.
13- Defensiveness- You refuse to admit any wrong doing or imperfection .
14- Counterattack – Instead acknowledging how the other person feels, you respond to their critcism by critciizing them.
15- Diversion- Instead of dealing with how you both feel in the here-and-now, you list grievance about past injustices.
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