SELF EXPRESSION SKILL (1): ”I FEEL” STATEMENTS
nstead of arguing or getting defensive , you can express your feelings with ” I feel” statements. The method is incredibly simple . All you do is say ” I feel” and add a word that describes how you feel.You can use a word like annoyed , hurt , worried , frustrated, concerned, or sad .
For example you can say , ” I feel nervous” or ” I feel angry.” There are several types of feelings that you can express with ” I feel” statements:
1- Negative feelings. Examples include ” I feel angry,” or ” I feel criticized , ” ” I feel put down,” ” I feel frustrated,” I feel coerced,” ” I feel misunderstood.”
2- Vulnerable feelings. ” I feel sad , ” I feel rejected, ” ” I feel hurt,” ” I feel unloved,” I feel disappointed,” I feel ignored,” ” I feel intimidated , ” I feel attacked,” or ” I feel inadequate.”
3- Wishes and desires. ” I would like to spend more time with you,” I want you to work out of the problem and feel close to each other, ” I really want you to be on time,” or ” I would like you to try to understand my point of view.”
” I feel” statements are in sharp contrast to ”you” statements, like” You are making me mad.” or ” You’ve got no right to say that .” or ”You’re wrong about that.” These ” you” statements sound critical , blaming and judgmental . They will always trigger a fight or an argument .
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