Self-Expression Skill 2 : Stroking
More than anything else, people want to be cared about and appreciated . What we fear the most is being rejected or put down or judged. Therefore I always try to express a positive regard for the other person even in the heat of battle. I try to let them know that I respect them and that they are important to me. This can relieve unspoken fears that someone is going to get rejected.
Many peoplw have the hidden assumption that anger and caring are opposites. You may jump to the conclusion that if two people are mad at each other , it means they don’t respect each other or care for each other. This makesyou overreact, and any difference of opinionbecomes a federal case. You may feel the need to reject the other person before you get rejected , so you can save face. You can often prevent this if you let them know that although you are at odds , you still think highly of them. This will make it easier for them to open up and to listen , because they will feel less threatened .
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