One of the commonest complaints I hear is” My spouse always has to be right. ”He or she is never willing to listen to my point of view.” The biggest mistake you can make in this situation is to promote your own ideas and try to persuade the other person that they should listen to you. This never works. You need to give in order to get. . If you want to get some understanding , you may have to give some understanding first.
First, ask yourself why the other person is being so argumentative and stubborn. Maybe part of the problem is that you’re not listening to them! Why would they keep harping away at you if they felt you had gotten the point? Rhey wouldn’t! Every stubborn , argumentative person has an equally stubborn partner who is defensive and argumentative who refuses to listen to them.
This problem will disappear if you use the three listening skills :the disarming technique , empathy and inquiry. Of the three , disarming is probably the most powerful and important. The moment you find the truth in the other person’s point of view, they will soften and suddenly become more open to your point of view. In order to do this, you must give up the notion that you are the only one who is right and that what they have to say is pure and utter nonsense . there’s always something important and valid about what the other person is saying that’s being ignored and resisted . That ‘s precisely why they get dogmatic and furious.
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