Dr.Andy Molinsky says in his book” REACH” , ” We are often encouraged to step outside our comfort zones, but rarely know where to begin.” . From his book, I will show and discuss more useful information in many short articles to read short time daily and utilise great information for you daily life to succeed more and more.
It ‘s fairly obvious that acting outside your comfort zone is challenging and that it takes a leap of faith and courage to do. But What might not be so obvious is exactly why it’s so challenging . In other words , what is it about acting outside your comfort zone that is so self-threatening , and what, then, can you do to overcome these challenging , and what , then , can you do to overcome these challenges?
Acting outside your comfort zone is difficult to do , but it is difficult for a set of very predictable reasons. Once you understand these reasons , you will be better equipped to manage them. As I indicated earlier , I’ve uncovered a set of five core psychological barriers people often face while trying to act outside there comfort zones.
1- The authenticity challenge: the feeling that ” This isn’t me at all” and the distress that results from that feeling.
2-The likeability challenge: the sense that doing this will ” make people not like me,” and the worry that results from that perception.
3- The competence challenge: the feeling that ” I’m not good at this behaviour , and it’s obvious to others , ” along with corresponding feelings of embarrassment and, perhaps, shame.
4- The resentment challenge: the strong sense that I ” shouldn’t have to be doing this behaviour ” in the first place and the frustration and anger that result from that feeling.
5-The morality challenge: the feeling that the behaviour isn’t something I ” should be doing,” and the anxiety and guilt that can result from that sense.
You won’t necessarily experience all five of these challenges every time you consider acting outside your comfort zone. But, really any one of these challenges can be enough to make this very hard to do. Ahead, we’ll talk about the creative ways we find to avoid acting outside our comfort zone(in part, to avoid these feelings) , but for now, let’s dig into the challenges themselves – why it can be hard for us to step outside our comfort zones in the first place.
The authenticity challenge : ” This Isn’t Me at All”
I know I am not real CEO , but rather just some guy running a business.
As Jane prepared herself to perform her first inspection and interrogation of young cades at the military academy in the south where she was one of the senior cades , she started to feel a bit in her stomach. She fully understood the purpose of the daily formation exercises : to make sure that the cades were prepared and could speak logically under pressure . But the problem was that the aggressive , macho, in-your-face , and often demeaning style with which upperclassmen typically interrogated younger cades felt deeply uncomfortable and inauthentic to Jane.
Jane’s typical style would be far less aggressive-but that’s not how she was expected to act-or at least how she thought she was expected to act. So, when it came time to interrogate her first cadet , and Jane noticed he hadn’t shined his belt buckle, which was a requirement for these formation exercises , Jane really let him have it. She screamed like she had never screamed at anyone in her life. She was a drill sergeant on steroids, berating the youngster like nobody’s business. And it was successful -so successful in fact, that after about fifteen seconds , the cadet began to cry.
Now that was not in the plan , and something Jane never expected to happen. There she was , acting like a monster to this poor kid, and the kid starts to cry. And what does Jane do? She starts to scream at him even louder and berate him even more. ‘You’re crying about a belt buckle??Do you want your mommy?? What’s going to happen when you see actual bullets flying??? Are you going to cry then???”
That night, when she went back to the barracks and crawled into bed, exhausted and ashamed, Jane realised that there is no way she could ever do anything like that again. The problem , though , was that she also needed to fit in and perform her role in an effective manner. And she did believe in the ultimate purpose of the activity: to groom upperclassmen as leaders and to test and develop the younger cadets. But the method of doing this was simply intolerable , and she had to figure out a solution …. and fast > These formation took place daily and she would have to do this same thing all over again to another set of cadets the very next day.
To succeed in today’s professional environment, in which we’re assuming new roles and responsibilities at a dizzying rate, and the environments themselves are also changing at a rapid pace, in order to catch up we need to reinvent ourselves-often on the fly. And this reinvention sometimes takes the form of learning new behaviours that are necessary but at the same time just don’t fit with who we are. As a result , we often end up feeling fake, foreign, or false doing something we know we need to do to be effective or to fulfil our personal or professional responsibilities – but just doesn’t feel right or good to be doing.
This was certainly the case for Jane Reddy. It was also the case for Jasmit Singh , a fifty-eight year – old Indian-born senior manager who was recently hired by a young fast-based, and entrepreneurial American company to head their logistics division. Previously, Jasmit had been employed for more than twenty years at a Fortune 100 company in the United States, having worked his way up from junior assistant to the VP of operations. But in 2011, Jasmit was laid off following a recognization and downsizing . He was subsequently hired by Axiom- a successful and quickly growing start-up in the e-commerce world.
On paper it looked like a perfect marriage: Jasmit has just the right background Axiom was looking for , and , on his end, Jasmit felt he was ready for the next challenge in his career. And frankly speaking, he needed another job to pay the bills and maintain his lifestyle. But as soon as he arrived, it became clear that the mix of Jasmit’s own personal cultural with the Axiom culture was like oil and water.
At the previous company , which had a much more formal and bureaucratic style than the new start-up where he was currently working , Jasmit had achieved such a high level of status that he was often quite insulated from the day-to-day operations of his divisions. He would receive reports and updates from his senior managers , but it had been years since Jasmit had actually gotten his hands dirty and looked at any of the actual data on his own .
And although he might not readily admit it, the culture of the previous company actually fit pretty well with Jasmit’s personal style. Born and raised by strict Indian parents who emphasised deference and politeness in dealing with authority figures, Jasmit was comfortable operating in a strict hierarchy . When he was on the bottom, he was quite deferential and respectful to his superiors and then at the top , he relished the opportunity to wield his power and authority .
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