LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND CBT

Now is the time to tackle the beliefs , thoughts and action patterns we mapped out above .Specifically , the steps you need to take are:

1-Check out your anxious predictions.

2-Question your self-crtical thoughts instead of taking them at face value.

3-Learn to appreciate your qualities and treat yourself kindly.

4-Change the Rules.

5-Create a new Bottom Line.

Let’s check at each of these.

I will complete in Article 2 soon.

Checking out anxious predictions

Fearing you might break your Rules activates your Bottom Line , leading to predictions that, unless you take precautions , something bad is going to happen. Precautions stop you from discovering that what you predict might never happen, that even if it did the consequences might be less bad than you fear, and that you might deal with them better than you think. Checking out anxious predictions involves the following: identifying them precisely , questioning them , finding more helpful and realistic alternatives, and testing them through behavioural experiments.

Here is an example to illustrate how this might work in practice.

Ed’s story

Ed’s Bottom Line was’ I am boring’. His related Rule for living was’ I must always be the life and soul of the party , or people won’t wanr to know me’ He always had a fund of funny stories and interesting snippets of information , and never stopped talking lest someone realized how boring he really was. Actually this made him rather than exhausting companion. Ed set up an experiment to find out whether, if he was quiet when he had supper with friends , no one would talk to him, or want to see him again.

HOW DID YOU DO?

The results of the first part of this exercise will impart some important information about yourself. If your personal rating is, for example , ninety – five to a hundred , you are clearly setting the bar extremely high , and are thus more likely to become anxious or frustrated if not constantly achieving these levels. If your personal rating is under twenty , you may feel you are not making the grade in life , and are thus more likely to suffer from conditions like depression . Most of us rate ourselves somewhere in between these extremes.

Reviewing your assessment of what others think of you can also be revealing . If the ‘others’ rating is extremely high , you may feel under pressure to match up to other people’s perceived high expectations. This can also lead to us becoming anxious. If extremely low , this may suggest that others do not think much of us, so may be prone on occasion to feel depressed or ashamed . Once again, most people mark themselves comfortably between the two extremes , assuming others have a reasonable opinion of them.

Learn to catch yourself being self – critical

What alerts you to the fact that you are being self-critical? Thought patterns (Such as making sweeping judgements , comparisons, blaming, ‘Should’)? Mood changes ( a drop of confidence , feeling low)? Body sensations (a sinking feeling , tight shoulders)? Or may be something you do(Breaking eye contact , making yourself small)?

Just because self-criticism is loud and compelling , it does not follow that it tells the truth.

Self-critical NATs are the voice of the Bottom Line speaking in the present moment. For instance, when yourself- critical voice says,’You see? No one likes you! this may be the voice of the Bottome line that developed because your parents were too busy and stressed to pay you attention. Your self-critical NATs may be loud and powerful , but they still represent an old , automatic habit of mind that you no longer need to buy into or take seriously .

We saw how, when you were younger, you may have drawn unhelpful conclusions from things that happened around you because you did not have the ability or knowledge to weigh things up in a more reasoned way. It’s important to remember that these conclusions are not the truth – they were just the best understanding you could reach of things at the time.

It may also seem as if self-criticism is the only thing that motivates you to meet the standards set by your Rules for Living. If so, Letting it go may feel risky . Investigate the real imact of self – criticism on your life. Rather than being motivating, self-criticism actually tends to prevent learning stifle creativity and paralyse efforts to develop problem-solve and grow.

Beware the rumination trap

Notice if your mind slips into rumination , going over and over the same ground : wondering why this always happens, what is wrong with you, will it never end, and so on and so forth. Rumination can feel as if it is helpful-if you think things through just one more time, surely you will find the answer -so people often mistake it for problem – slving. In fact, rumination just leads to more rumination and makes you miserable , especially if you are already feeling low.

Distraction techniques may be helpful here. Even if self-critical thoughts and ruminations still turn up , perhaps you can learn to let them be like a radio in the background . You can still listen if you want to, but most of the time you would rather pay attention to other things.

Pacing: The importance of being realistic

If you have had low self-esteem for a long time and it has had a big impact on your life, self-criticism may be an ingrained habit. Do not be discouraged if it is hard to find kinder , fairer views . Your supporter may be really helpful here. Others who know us well and are on our side often have a clearer and more balanced view of us than we do of ourselves. Be persistant , and recognize that however well – rehearsed you self-critical thinking may be , it will still be open to change if you stick at it.